This Week in the Life...

I have been absolutely worthless so far this week.

I ate Chinese food for lunch, which seemingly paralyzed my movement and motivation for the rest of the day... at least until it was time to eat again. You better believe there was pep in my step as I headed out the door toward Pizza Hut.

A friend told me they could tell I was losing weight... in my boobs. Not exactly what I was going for, but I guess I'll take it. Come on, Thunder Thighs, keep up!

I continued my search for roundtrip tickets to Sverige (that's Sweden to you common folk). Two weeks ago, I was looking at price tags around $900. This week... $2000. Cross your fingers for next week.

I blogged during online class... yep, it's happening right now. The truth is, the Internet fritzed and kept me from attending about 20 minutes of class... by now, I'm so lost that it doesn't really matter whether or not I'm listening... and I am listening... about 18% of the time.

My mom wrecked her car on the way to Rachel's shower. Since she feels the convertible is a "toy car," she has commandeered my SUV... leaving poor, pitiful me stuck with the convertible. Of all the rotten luck... just kidding.

Everyday this week, seriously, I have found out that yet another friend is engaged. Woo-frickin'-hoo. (in all seriousness, I'm happy for them, but a little-teensy-tiny bit of bitterness never hurt anybody).

Tomorrow, I will be an 8th grade math teacher; Friday, a 9th grade English teacher. Oh, the life of the substitute teacher. I really thought that I would love high schoolers, but I'm beginning to think middle schoolers are my favorite. Then again, I have subbed for one middle school teacher multiple times, and perhaps I'm just getting attached to her class... And also, the high school teachers still very much feel like my own. When my former choir teacher yelled to her class, "I want to see your eyeballs!" I spun around like lightning to show my full attention, much to the amusement of her own students.

I am always, always oh-so-excited to see my family, and Easter weekend is an obvious family event. I have it underlined in my planner.... and written in bubble letters.

I went to the gym with my newlywed friends and another mutual friend earlier this week. They "jokingly" refer to themselves as the Beach Body Club, so I thought tagging along would be a super idea... and it probably was, but it took days to recover from their routine.

I have a great deal of homework due next week. I know about it now, but chances are I'll be doing it about this time next Wednesday. At least I'm self-aware.

Okay, I might just pay attention to these last five minutes of class...

Might.

The Dating Game

I've been joking with my friends lately that I've been out of the dating "game" for more than two years, that I'm not the smooth operator I once was and all that jazz...

But then I got to thinking... at what point was I ever IN the dating game?

Somewhere in my life line, I became "one of the guys." I've never been great with girls, always preferring the easy company of guys. Admittedly, this has its own set of problems; namely, most of them forgot that I was, in fact, a girl. I became privy to man jokes and bromances, and my girl-dom only really came into play when it was Mother's Day or one of my boys became interested in my best friend.

As one of the guys, most of my relationship have evolved out of friendships. By the time it ever got around to dating, Boyfriend and I were already on a level playing field. It didn't seem like a big deal to call Drew, and I never worried about texting Evan first.

I'm not sure how our parents ever managed to date and get to know each other before the advent of text messaging. I've heard people joke about waiting by their phone to hear from a previous date, but even phone calls are antiquated these days. Nowadays, it's all about the text message. That message alert goes off, and you can hardly get to your screen fast enough. But forget texting right back. Oh, no no no. There must be some wait time in between.

And then there's Facebook/Twitter/etc. You meet a boy, you Facebook boy. Then boy comes to your house and asks to borrow your computer, and wouldn't you know his own name comes up thanks to AutoFill. You should just take my word for it on this one; it's very awkward.

Dating. Oy.

Just a few things.

I am currently obsessed with the songs "Imma Be" by the Black Eyed Peas and "Bad Romance" by Lady GaGa (okay... AND "Telephone"). Usually I steer clear of mainstream music in favor of my indie-rock iPod, but these songs are my go to hits these days.

My favorite sound clip from being 9th grader teacher today:

Student A: What's your name?

Me: Miss Hays

Student A: Was that Miss or Mrs.?

Me: Miss. Just a Miss.

Student B: Noted.

Tomorrow I plan to sleep late. Oh yes.

Sunday is Rachel's baby shower. If it's possible, I think I am as excited about Mallory's arrival as Matthew and Rachel. Okay, so that's probably not reasonable BUT I get antsy just thinking about it.

Tonight is Friday, and while most twenty-somethings are busy planning out the first night of their weekend, I'm sincerely hoping to not make plans (I say hope because if someone calls with exciting plans, I can hardly say no... I'm irresponsible that way). I really want to watch reality TV on DVR with Mom and clean my room and read and just... be.

I have a new addiction, and it's a little thing called Words with Friends. Basically, it's a cell phone app that allows you to play Scrabble with friends via text message. I think I'm playing with 6 people right now, and I'm very competitive.

I finished my first sewing project in the form of a cafe apron. It's very cute, and I'm extremely proud of it... now if only there were a practical use for a cafe apron.

Tomorrow, I just might take Maggie for a run by the lake. Or play golf. Or ride my bike. This weather creates endless opportunities.

And speaking of possibilities... My life is full of potential right now, and I can't help but grin when I think about it.

The Tuscaloosa Experiment

For the past month, I've lived at home with my parents. At this season in my life, my support system is in my hometown... where I can have dinner with sweet newlyweds Lee and Lele, trek through the adventures of substitute teaching with Erica, hit the gym with Jim, watch Idol with Anna, meet and pray with Ashlee, or just snuggle on the couch with my sweet Maggie. I consider it a blessing, no mere coincidence, that two of my three classes were online this semester and I've been able to live at home with my nearest and dearest and commute one day a week to a town that terrifies me.

But D-Day is coming. The nature of my degree is people interaction, so I cannot expect to do it all online. Eventually, I will HAVE to be in Tuscaloosa. So this weekend, I participated in a little "experiment," if you will.

Mom and I drove down to Tuscaloosa Saturday. We shopped for my coming *niece,* had dinner at one of our favorite restaurants, overheard the outrageous antics of my upstairs neighbor, and just had quality mother-daughter time. Sunday morning we met with my sorority sister and classmate (another not-mere-coincidence that I consider Divine Providence) and visited a church where we were overwhelmed with welcoming smiles. I spent the day with my sorority sister (you might've noticed an afore-posted blog about Hannah Montana), and then met up with Tyler for dinner.

Sweet Tyler. He and our mutual friend Glen introduced me to two of their friends, and for the first time in Tuscaloosa... I felt light. And natural. I could literally feel the tension in my heart ease as these boys made me laugh and feel welcome. It felt so normal, and I could picture myself forming a little circle here in my new town. Tyler and Glen came back to my house after we ate dinner, and the three of us watched Discovery-Health. I went to bed Sunday night with an unexpected smile.

When I woke up Monday morning, I looked around my apartment and didn't feel as... I don't know... scared? The memories that are so embedded in these walls seemed faded and blurred, if not completely erased.

A classmate came to town Monday to work on a project with me, and she brought me "house-warming gifts" to help me reclaim my own space and bring in "new life." It was a dear gesture, and I was so grateful. We went to lunch, and it was kind of strange to be out on the town and on my own. But it felt good.

Monday night was girls' night, and I went to dinner with Kelsea and Katie and my cousin Danielle, and my sorority sister met up with us later. We gossiped and watched Dancing with the Stars, and I was amazed again at how normal it felt just being here. Later, my friend Zach came over with some friends, and we hung out and laughed. That's the key word: we laughed.

Today I am inspired and humbled and encouraged. The Lord is so good, and He is proving His sufficiency for me daily. And today I can honestly say that I am so happy with where I am in life. And that... that feels good.

Object of My Affection

Okay, so I'm at a friend's house... studying. Definitely not watching Hannah Montana: The Movie. That would be both unproductive and immature.

...we all know I'm watching Hannah Montana. And loving it completely. Not because of Hannah's talent or Miley's comedic timing, but because of one Lucas Till:

Please excuse me while I say-- hubba hubba.

Okay, so younger men aren't exactly my "type." But Lucas will be 20 in August, and so what if I'll be 23 in September. If that makes me a puma, so be it.

In the movie, Travis (Lucas) is a good ol' boy, riding horses and working the farm in Tennessee. He and Miley/Hannah fall in love on hikes through the countryside (complete with waterfalls and rope swings). It made me think about living at the "homeplace" on my granddad's farm and ripping through fields on Cricket, the horse Papaw let me name when I was little.

Now, this little fantasy is conditional, and that condition is a lifemate in the form of Lucas Till.

You may also recognize Lucas from Taylor Swift's video for "You Belong with Me." T-Swift's my girl, and I would never steal her thunder... but as long as she's happy with Taylor Lautner (also a younger man), the four of us can double date to our hearts' content.

(Don't worry, John Krasinski, these are all just words. My heart is yours now and forever.)

Break Up Songs.

Any girl that's gone through a break up has taken a little solace in a good ol' fashioned break up song.

I Will Survive

Before He Cheats

You Oughta Know

Picture to Burn

This season of my life has been painful and beautiful all at the same time. Friends have come out of the woodworks for me, and my faith in God has grown and grown. Once upon a break up long long ago, I listened to lots of sad songs and moped for myself (cue Damien Rice). This time I've busied my little ears and mind with upbeat songs more akin to Aerosmith and Michael Jackson... but don't think I don't belt it out when Alanis sings-screams to Dave Coulier about how he promised to love her until he dies, and don't think I don't picture myself as Carrie Underwood in a tiny dress stomping down the street and wailing about bustin' headlights... And when Taylor Swift says her daddy'll show him how sorry he'll be, I can't help but smile.

I'm not bitter though, really. Those are just fun moments of empowerment. My real break up peace comes from songs more like this one by Addison Road (and thanks, Anna, for the introduction):

If everything comes down to love
Then just what I am afraid of
When I call out Your name
Something inside awakes in my soul
How quickly I forget I’m Yours

I’m not my own
I’ve been carried by You
All my life

CHORUS
Everything rides on hope now
Everything rides on faith somehow
When the world has broken me down
Your love sets me free
Addison Road lyrics on www.lyrics-celebrities.anekatips.com

When my life is like a storm
Rising waters all I want is the shore
You say I’ll be okay and
Make it through the rain
You are my shelter from the storm

I’m not my own
I’ve been carried by You
All my life

CHORUS
Everything rides on hope now
Everything rides on faith somehow
When the world has broken me down
Your love sets me free

Everything rides on hope now
Everything rides on faith somehow
When the world has broken me down
Your love sets me free
You’ve become my hearts desire
I will sing Your praises higher
Cause Your love sets me free
Your love sets me free
Your love sets me free

I Remember It Well

Everyone's heard the introductory phrase, "I remember exactly where I was when..."

JFK was shot.

Elvis Presley died.

Neil Armstrong walked on the moon.

All of those things happened way before my time, but I've wondered recently when I became old enough to use that phrase.

I remember exactly where I was when...

Princess Diana died.

My mom's parents owned a lakehouse for much of my childhood. I have precious memories there of swimming in an ALF life jacket with my brother and cousins and laying in a peaceful hammock with my mom and taking long boat rides on the Pontoon with the entire cast of these technicolor memories. I remember, too, barrelling downstairs from a long night's sleep-- sleep at the lakehouse is unlike any other, serenaded all night long by an attic fan and crickets just outside the window-- hair a mess, pajamas on. The TV in the living room was on and tuned into what must have been the one channel that old house received. And that's where I heard the news. Princess Diana, every little girl's hope of a Cinderella fantasy come true, had died.

O.J. Simpson was declared innocent.

I know very little of who O.J. Simpson was before he killed his wife. He is forever ingrained in my memory in a suit and tie standing in a courtroom, or flying down the busy Interstate in his white Bronco. My mom says he was a nice guy, funny and likeable. But to me, he was just the subject of endless media speculation: was he or wasn't he guilty? I think everyone in my life felt convinced that O.J. was guilty, so I was more than a little shocked when they announced over the intercom in my second grade classroom that "O.J. Simpson has been found not guilty." My teacher, a wonderful African-American woman who was as new to the school as I was, yelled out, "Praise glory!" And that was that.

The Columbine shooting occurred.

I couldn't tell you whether I was in 4th or 5th grade, but I know that I was in middle school (and in my town, 4th grade constituted a move across the street to the middle school). I know, too, that on that particular day, our lunchroom had had an electrical fire and let school out early. A helicopter from a local news station flew overhead, capturing the damage of what they surely thought would be big news, as I waited on the playground for my ride. It seemed bizarre to me later that day that I had been let out of school early on the day that so many kids at another school across the country had been massacred. I guess at that age I didn't really realize the great distance that lay between my school and Columbine, but I remember feeling lucky that I had happened to have been dismissed early... before something like that could happen at my own school, I guess. This is the first time, too, that I remember feeling like there was true bad in the world.

The twin towers fell.

I was in Mrs. Hudgins' 8th grade Algebra I class. Class was almost over when Mrs. Hudgins was called into the hall by an administrator. Of course, we students took advantage of her absence to pack up and talk to our neighbors, and when she got back she immediately quieted us down and told us what was a mystery to her. The World Trade Center had been hit, whether by accident or not she didn't know. The bell rang, and I walked two or three doors down to Gifted Ed. As I walked into Mrs. Zimmer's room, I saw a plane drill into the side of a skyscraper. I asked immediately if that was a replay, but it wasn't. I actually witnessed the second plane hitting the second tower, which seems odd and almost surreal to me now. I talked to my eighth grade boyfriend later that night about whether or not the terrorists would target somewhere closer to us, like the Arsenal or TVA. We were thinkers, he and I.

I guess years from now I'll reminisce about where I was when Michael Jackson died, or Farrah Fawcett, or when President Obama was elected the first African-American president... And who knows what else.

SBX, baby!

Okay, so I don't have any exciting plans for Spring Break. But I am 100% a-okay with what I've got.

Yesterday, I had lunch with my dad, gym with Jim, Bible study with Ashlee, and fellowship with the favorites.

Today's agenda-- granted, I MUST tear myself away from Facebook and ABC Family first-- includes going to the fabric store with E, baking an apple cake, getting the ol' sewing machine fired up and going, and playing the guitar until my fingers hurt.

Other things I need to accomplish this week:

-Cleaning and organizing the room. This may sound like a chore, but once I actually make myself get started I kind of like cleaning.

-Having my next bridesmaid dress altered. Oh, how my collection is growing.

-Reteaching myself grad school classes that fly over my head in online format.

-Catching up on guilty pleasures (i.e. Grey's Anatomy) on Hulu.

-Starting my grandmother's memoirs that I promised her nearly a year ago.

- Somehow, some way making the sun come out.

So, no. No beach or road trip for me because I'm saving up for a trip to Sweden, but I am totally enthused about a week or (potential) productivity.

Things

"Things" is a game that I was introduced to by one of my most favorite people in this world: one Alice Harvey. I've mentioned it before, but I'll expand on it. Everyone creates a "Things" category, i.e. 'Things you would find under your bed' or 'Things that go bump in the night.' You fold up the categories, put them in a basket, and the magic begins. Players take turns pulling a category, and everyone writes an answer. It may sound dull, but believe me when I say it's a riot.

I haven't played "Things" in what my friend Trey calls a month of Sundays, so tonight I'm just going to have my own personal round.

Things That Made Me Smile This Weekend

- Girls night out: Italian food, dress up in my mom's 80's bridesmaid dresses (Lele, "I'm married and I'm playing dress up!"), Anna's fashion show, and mucho mucho gossip.

- MUCH NEEDED hair cut (aka, the traditional "break-up" hair cut). Nice to meet you, I'm brunette... Sorry, Erica.

- Shopping with my mommy, followed by Survivor with my mommy (background story: post break- up, I needed CONSTANT distraction, so if Mom or Dad were watching TV, I was watching TV... Mom happens to watch Survivor, so wouldn't you know I'm hooked now. This goes for Real Housewives as well, I'm ashamed to say).

- Two words: Buck Wild. This is the name of the country music band that was playing at the hometown bar my friends choose to patronize when we're all home from college. You can be sure that my town's finest come out every Saturday night for the Watermelon Crawl and endless rounds of Natty Light (bleck). I did the Cupid Shuffle with half of Grant Mountain and laughed until I couldn't breathe when my friend Joe got a 50 year old woman's number... and a little sugar too.

- The best Mexican food my town has to offer with my friend Jordan. In my mind, I was prepared for a group lunch, but it ended up being just the two of us. Lunch dates make me feel so grown up and civilized.

- The community theater's production of I Love You, You're Perfect, Now Change. Cheers to the cast and crew; it was FANTASTIC. My mom and I couldn't help but laugh in the break up scenes; if bitterness is funny, I'm Jerry Seinfeld.

- Kitchen table chats on life, love, pets, and spirituality with my precious mother.

- A fair sampling of my favorite people piling into my kitchen to chat with my parents about old memories and even memories from the night before.

- Scruples, brownies, Rotel dip, and YouTube videos with my friends. In my basement. Just like the old days.

All in all, I give it an A+. I have a good life. I have a great life, in fact. I am healthy and active, I love my job, and I love my friends and family more than I could ever say. Bring it, Spring Break 2010.

Sew Good to Me

Have I mentioned this week how blessed I am? My first inclination is to call myself "lucky," but I am mercifully at a point in my life where I know without a doubt that there is no such thing as luck-- every single good thing in my life is a direct result of the Father's love for me and by no mere coincidence.

I was emphatically reminded of my rich blessings this week by none other than my earthly father.

For the past 11 years, my dad has been the sole male in the house with my mother and me (even our pets are female). And for all of these years, he has worked tirelessly to keep us happy. I have watched him in his years of retirement vacuum and dust so that my mother comes home from work to a clean house, and once in a blue moon he will even cook dinner (although, admittedly, he needs a solid recipe to follow before he sets out on such a task... and sometimes he just turns the oven on in time to ask me for "help," but it's the thought that counts). For Christmas this year, he built me a small chest by hand that I will surely cherish for always. And just this past week, I got in my car one night to find that my dad had cleaned and polished my car inside and out while I'd been out with friends earlier that day. And to top it all off, I came home from work Wednesday to find this:

Many of you know my desire to be a Domestic Goddess. This year I had one item on my wish list: a sewing machine. Projects swirl through my brain just thinking of the possibilities: a Halloween costume for a friend, sweet gifts for my coming "niece," Anthropologie-inspired aprons... a quilt made of my favorite high school t-shirts, perhaps? I got my sewing machine for Christmas, but I've found it far more intimidating than I'd imagined. This week I came home to find my very own sewing center set up in my room, just the encouragement I needed to get set off on my journey to domestic deity. Next up: a run to Wilson's Fabric store.

Did I mention the lake view?

Jealous much? :)

Lemme Lay Some Truth On Ya.

Having lost my brother at a very young age (he 14 and me 11), I have often been asked how you deal with such a thing. I can't count how many people have said something along the lines of, "I just don't know what I'd do if I lost MY brother/sister."

What are your options really?

Because I had no other choice, I got up every morning and carried on with my life, reminding myself often that, regardless of my own pain, my brother was perfect and whole and wouldn't come back to this place even if given the choice.

For this reason, I have often wondered how non-believers deal with death. Sure, I didn't have a choice when Adam died but to continue on with life... but my only reason to enjoy life was the hope I have in a Savior who offers eternal life. If I didn't know to the depths of my soul where Adam is right now-- if for some reason I happened to believe his life just ended, or his "energy" just floated into the atmostphere-- I don't know that I could ever smile again.

But I do know. And I treasure that truth more than I can say.

In light of recent events, this train of thought has gone beyond death to just heartache in general. It's no secret that I was devastated by a break-up with a man I'd planned my life around... but, fortunately, I have faith. It's hard; every morning it's hard... Everyone I know seems to know where they're going and who they're going with, and just this time last month I myself was safe and secure. And it doesn't matter how often someone says, "You deserve better" or "Everything'll turn out okay."

Can anyone really get by on simple words of encouragement?

I can't. In fact, I can wholeheartedly say that most days the only way I can function is to grab onto God's truth and an unfailing hope in the One who loved me first. While I would never wish heartache and despair on anyone, my soul delights in knowing that this trial is bringing God glory... through my heart's renewed longing, through my hunger for His Word, through my conversations with others about what I'm learning...

These are just a few truths that I've been meditating on lately.

"And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
Phillipians 4:7

"The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance."
2 Peter 3:9

"For our light and temporary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."
2 Corinthians 4:17-18

"These [trials] have come so that your faith-- of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire-- may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory, and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed."
1 Peter 1:7

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God."
Phillipians 4:6