Holding It Together

I held it together all week. Even with a debilitating bout with two kidney stones resulting in a huge delay in all the things that needed to be done.

I held it together Friday night, when Lauren gave a speech that made the whole house misty-eyed. I thought at that moment that I wouldn’t make it through the weekend.

I held it together when Mom choked up while she prayed before our bridesmaids brunch on Saturday morning, as all my best girlfriends in the world piled into my house to get ready and help out with any last minute wedding needs (and believe me, they were put to work).

I held it together when Brian secured my mother’s veil on my head and showed Rachel how to take it off after the ceremony. That’s probably the first time I really got the, “This is it” feeling, the first time I really felt like a bride.

I held it together when I walked into our gorgeous sanctuary, awash with candlelight and decorate with meticulously arranged flowers, when I realized this is it—this is our wedding.

I held it together when Laura started getting weepy in the bridal suite right before we walked down the aisle, as the bridesmaids and my mother wrapped their bouquets with Kleenex. Then I knew this could get emotional very soon.

I held it together as I listened to Dr. Thompson’s emotional charge to Alex and the congregation, as Dad and I stood in the vestibule waiting to walk down the aisle. He set the stage for a holy service of worship, not a prelude to a reception party.

And even when the doors opened and I saw Alex waiting for me at the alter, I managed to hold it together. In fact, tears were the last thing on my mind as I couldn’t contain a grin that mirrored the one on Alex’s face. Just joy. So much joy.

And when my dad gave me away and kissed me on the cheek, I held it together.

During the first dance, the father-daughter dance, the mother-son dance, the cake tasting, and the obligatory Shout!, I held it together. Like a champ. But it’s not hard to hold back the tears when you’re having the absolute best time of your life.

When the sparklers lit up and our friends and family saw us off, I held it together. But barely. I was frantic to find my mom and thank her, to say goodbye to so many of my favorite faces, and goodbye to a night that will live on in our memories for the rest of our lives.

But when I got in the car with my husband. When we realized what we’d just done—that we’d gotten married in the presence of friends and family from all over the world, literally… we couldn’t hold it together anymore. I cried as I called my mom to leave her a voicemail thanking her for all of her hard work and endless hours budgeting, planning, and making all the right phone calls. And all my dad’s tireless work setting up sound equipment and the reception site and the get away car and anything else that falls under Dad Work. I cried as I talked about my family that came all the way from Sweden just for me. For us. To be with us and celebrate with us and just to love us. I cried as I thought about how beautiful my grandparents and grandparents-in-law looked—all of them such radiant pictures of love… people that absolutely glowed with genuine happiness. For us. And I cried because I’ve just never felt so completely overwhelmed by love. Love for my husband and from my husband. Love from and for our families. Love for and from our bridal party, our best friends in all the world. Just… so. much. LOVE. Now that’s the kind of thing that can make a non-crier shed a tear or twenty.

And to start our lives this way… so covered and smothered in love… I just can’t begin to say thank you. But in the next few posts, I’m going to give it my best shot.