About that...

After that last post I went on to have an emotional breakdown.

I have talked on the phone multiple times today and can't remember some of the conversations. I even called my mom but can't remember doing so. On the phone with my dad I couldn't remember if I had been awake or not when he called. When I called my friend Jacob, I broke down in uncontrollable sobs because he wasn't home and he's the friend that lives closest to me. Sometimes I can't use my right arm, and my legs feel like jelly.

All this compelled me to call my mom, and the two of us researched the more severe side effects of the drugs I was given in my IV today. Apparently the steroid was not my friend. Side effects include increased sweating (one of the nastier parts of my day thus far), disorientation, muscle weakness, and.... "emotional disturbance." So chalk that last post and my emotional phone calls up to the steriod. And if anyone ever offers you Solu-Medrol, think twice.

April Fool's.

This year I brought April in with a bang: two bags of IV fluid, antibiotic, pain meds, and steroid bang. I noticed my throat hurting Monday, but I pressed on. I took a much-longer-than-necessary nap, and pressed on. Yesterday, I woke up feeling pretty crappy, but usually if I get up and get moving the yuck will pass. No such luck. I headed home after class with a fever and a serious bout of nausea and slept all day, rousing only for American Idol (duh). Sweet Blake brought me miso soup (I think Evan might have sent a persuasive text), and I managed to go get myself a strawberry limeade around 10-- there's Sprite in those, and that helps nausea, right? A "Severe Headache and Sinus Allergy" Benadryl coaxed me to sleep around 10, but from about 1 a.m. on I woke up fairly often, sweating from the fever and dying of thirst. When I went to the doctor this morning, I was told that I probably have strep throat and was pretty severely dehydrated. They pumped me full of the afore-mentioned saline fluid, antibiotics, pain meds, and steroids which relieved most of the swelling in my throat and some of the pain but left me fairly disoriented (sorry, Katie, for the weird phone call). Not to mention that I think the nurse may have blown a nerve in my hand (the FOURTH place she tried to find a vein) when she gave me the IV. Is it normal for my hand and arm to feel weak and what I can only describe as "sleepy" six hours later?
My greatest fear in life is to be alone-- terribly, miserably alone. And here I am, too feverish to go to the store for pudding and popsicles, with no Mom to make me a smoothie, no Dad to rent me movies, no Lauren to bring me Grapico and raisinets, and no Evan to make me cream-of-mushroom soup. I have lived in Auburn for 3 years and failed miserably to make those kinds of connections. From an outside view, I have tons and tons of wonderful, wonderful friends. I have so many friends, in fact, it is often hard to balance them all. I usually feel guilty that I am always telling one friend or another no because I am just pulled in so many directions. But in all my friends here, I've never found another Lauren or another Evan (not so much boyfriend Evan as best friend Evan from high school). I took a class last semester that outlined the stages of friendship... how in adolescence you have same-sex friends, in high school you have co-ed friends, and then you start coupling off. And I can't help but wonder: is this it? will I ever have another best friend? Don't get me wrong: I love Evan. Love him. He has been one of my best friends for years, and he is all I could ever ask for in a friend and mate. But something in me longs for a girlfriend. Lauren and I were so complete together, non-romantic soulmates if you will. Inside jokes. She would start a sentence in mid-thought, and I'd still know where she was coming from. We could do nothing but watch TV in silence and not worry about entertaining the other one. I've had several female roommates, but none of them have ever really worked out for me. Critical Katie. Stressful Megan. Perpetually busy Allison. And now, Erica. Or rather, Erica and Justin. No girl-talk, no spontaneous trips to Sonic, none of the things I would have imagined in younger years. And it begs the question: is it me? am I the problem?
Okay, I need to stop here. I'm sorry. When I'm sick or tired my emotions get the better of me. But this is what my little blog is here for... to catch all the emotions. If you happen to read this, you're just lucky enough to see it first-hand.

Treats.

This'll be short, because Evan should arrive shortly, but I'm enjoying this little blog experiment so much I didn't want to miss a day.

Today I woke up to a torrential downpour and didn't feel so hot, so I skipped class... again. But, just like yesterday, the rain had turned into a soft mist just in time for my second class. This kind of rain is especially annoying to me. It doesn't drench you, but it beads up in my hair and makes my eyeliner run just enough to make me look like I haven't slept in days. Anyway, all the yuck aside, I managed to still get a good afternoon out of it all. I went downtown with one of my (new) favorite people in Auburn (seriously, it took me about two days to know that we were meant to be BFFAEAEAE) to celebrate her birthday over cupcakes, which turned into blackberry jam cake and a brownie because the cashier insisted. So we sat in Taylor's Bakery for just over an hour, sharing funny stories and touching on politics and religion. Malorie manages to walk a that thin line between cool and moral. She manages to have a sense of humor and a beautiful spirit and Godly presence all at the same time, without ever coming across condescending or pretentious. Here's to you, kiddo. Happy birthday.

Evan's here now, and I just gave him a haircut. I've always kind of dreamed of being a hairstylist, mainly because I find hair products fascinating. Seriously, I can spend an hour in the hair aisle just looking at and smelling the different conditioners, detanglers, volumizers, etc.

Okay, time to get ready for dinner with Lee and Alisa. Happy weekend.

Multitasking.

Talking on the phone + blogging = typos. Ugh.

Jesus loves you.

Today I was walking to the restroom in the office where I do undergraduate research. It should be noted that I get EXTREMELY bored while doing said "research" (I put that in quotes because I don't actually do research so much as I punch numbers from surveys into a computer database), and so I uses these little journeys to the bathroom to entertain myself. I force myself to wait until I'm so bored I can hardly stand it before I go to the bathroom. Sometimes, I count myself just to add a little extra excitement. Anyway, so today I was headed to the restroom. I kept seeing "WET PAINT" signs everywhere, so it didn't seem odd to me when a man in a paint suit started walking towards me in the hall. He was black with a white beard and kind eyes, very Morgan Freeman-y, and he walked right up to me and said, "Good afternoon, young lady." I smiled and responded appropriately, and then he said, "Can I tell you something? Now, this is very important so listen carefully." I told him to please tell me; he was making me a little nervous. He looked me dead in the eye, smiling from ear-to-ear, and said, "Jesus loves you." I'm still smiling just thinking about it. I thought that was really beautiful-- that boldness, that genuine love, that need to share something so important. I like to think that he challenges himself to say that to one person everyday, and that really inspires me. What if every person that loved Jesus told just one person that Jesus loves them, too? Not in a way that was scary, like the people that come to campus with their flame-adorned signs broadcasting "SINNERS GO TO HELL!" And not in a way that makes them feel uncomfortable or talked down to. Just a friendly passing on of a very important message: Jesus loves you.

I pray that I'm that bold.... that someone somewhere is inspired by me, that His light shines brightly through me.

Furthermore.

A couple of more things before I say goodbye to Wednesday.

I Love You, Man was... hilarious. So good. Yes, it had vulgar moments. What movie doesn't nowadays? Yes, it had awkward moment. But they weren't the ones that made you look away. It was pretty perfect.

Also, I'm so sucked into American Idol I can barely stand myself. I've never watched it before, aside from the occasional audition episode. But I'm so in, and each week I'm more emotionally attached to each contestant. My favorites: Adam Lambert (incredible!) and Danny Gokey (he loves Jesus! AND he's incredible!).

On another note, there is NOTHING on TV on Wednesday nights. What am I usually doing on Wednesday nights that has left me so bored tonight??

If it's coming down tomorrow the way weather.com has predicted, I'm playing hookie. So there.

Slippery when wet.

There are several very, very good reasons not to wear flips-flops on a rainy day. For instance, they flip AND they flop. The very name of the product should have warned me, but the convenience of slipping them on on my way out the door overrode my sensibility. So, I walked through campus today, flipping and flopping water up the backs of my calves. Furthermore, my cheapo Old Navy flops (which I adore), aren't what you might call the most high quality. That is, there is ZERO traction. I imagine I was quite the sight as I tensely tip-toed over the bricks and painted pavement (think: crosswalk. more dangerous than you might assume). Not to mention, all the water and grime that covers your unprotected feet. As rain is in the forecast for the rest of the week (and the rest of the season, probably), it may finally be time to invest in some much-needed rain boots.

As I walked through campus today, trying desperately to navigate my way around puddles (remember the flip-flops?), I couldn't help but notice the puddles themselves. Pale yellow, chalky dust skimmed the edges of the puddles and lines the cracks in the sidewalks. I don't ever like to be out in the rain, but it was nice to be reminded how God takes cares of you even in the little things. That same pollen has been giving me headaches and coating my car for weeks (okay, I'm driving my dad's car right now, and he would FREAK if he saw the yellow tinge of his once aqua-blue convertible). So, I'm taking it as a personal favor from God that he knocked all the pollen down for me. Not to mention how He meets every other need that comes along.

For now, I'm off to be poked and prodded at the doctor's office. Boo, thyroid.