April Fool's.

This year I brought April in with a bang: two bags of IV fluid, antibiotic, pain meds, and steroid bang. I noticed my throat hurting Monday, but I pressed on. I took a much-longer-than-necessary nap, and pressed on. Yesterday, I woke up feeling pretty crappy, but usually if I get up and get moving the yuck will pass. No such luck. I headed home after class with a fever and a serious bout of nausea and slept all day, rousing only for American Idol (duh). Sweet Blake brought me miso soup (I think Evan might have sent a persuasive text), and I managed to go get myself a strawberry limeade around 10-- there's Sprite in those, and that helps nausea, right? A "Severe Headache and Sinus Allergy" Benadryl coaxed me to sleep around 10, but from about 1 a.m. on I woke up fairly often, sweating from the fever and dying of thirst. When I went to the doctor this morning, I was told that I probably have strep throat and was pretty severely dehydrated. They pumped me full of the afore-mentioned saline fluid, antibiotics, pain meds, and steroids which relieved most of the swelling in my throat and some of the pain but left me fairly disoriented (sorry, Katie, for the weird phone call). Not to mention that I think the nurse may have blown a nerve in my hand (the FOURTH place she tried to find a vein) when she gave me the IV. Is it normal for my hand and arm to feel weak and what I can only describe as "sleepy" six hours later?
My greatest fear in life is to be alone-- terribly, miserably alone. And here I am, too feverish to go to the store for pudding and popsicles, with no Mom to make me a smoothie, no Dad to rent me movies, no Lauren to bring me Grapico and raisinets, and no Evan to make me cream-of-mushroom soup. I have lived in Auburn for 3 years and failed miserably to make those kinds of connections. From an outside view, I have tons and tons of wonderful, wonderful friends. I have so many friends, in fact, it is often hard to balance them all. I usually feel guilty that I am always telling one friend or another no because I am just pulled in so many directions. But in all my friends here, I've never found another Lauren or another Evan (not so much boyfriend Evan as best friend Evan from high school). I took a class last semester that outlined the stages of friendship... how in adolescence you have same-sex friends, in high school you have co-ed friends, and then you start coupling off. And I can't help but wonder: is this it? will I ever have another best friend? Don't get me wrong: I love Evan. Love him. He has been one of my best friends for years, and he is all I could ever ask for in a friend and mate. But something in me longs for a girlfriend. Lauren and I were so complete together, non-romantic soulmates if you will. Inside jokes. She would start a sentence in mid-thought, and I'd still know where she was coming from. We could do nothing but watch TV in silence and not worry about entertaining the other one. I've had several female roommates, but none of them have ever really worked out for me. Critical Katie. Stressful Megan. Perpetually busy Allison. And now, Erica. Or rather, Erica and Justin. No girl-talk, no spontaneous trips to Sonic, none of the things I would have imagined in younger years. And it begs the question: is it me? am I the problem?
Okay, I need to stop here. I'm sorry. When I'm sick or tired my emotions get the better of me. But this is what my little blog is here for... to catch all the emotions. If you happen to read this, you're just lucky enough to see it first-hand.