is this my swan song?

It's been a good weekend. I needed a good weekend: I had a rough week, as evidenced by my pathetic little bloggings.

But I've started wondering... is my time here really coming to close? and what will that feel like when it's truly said and done? (something about watching Sex and the City makes me put questions in my blog... I've always seen myself as something of a Carrie... but who doesn't?)

For any of you who don't know, I'm headed to Tuscaloosa in the fall. (Mal, I just realized this is a rip off of your blog, which is particularly sad because Auburn ---> Tuscaloosa is FAR less dramatic than Auburn --> HK). Really, I am psyched about it. No more late weekend nights driving to and fro from Tuscaloosa to Auburn, all in the pursuit of love. No more hating Saturday just because it's one day closer to Sunday, and Sunday means a goodbye that never gets easier. Finally, a relationship that seems normal. But in exchange... Goodbye, Auburn, the university that has felt like home since the first time I stepped onto its glorious campus. A worthy and unavoidable exchange... I mean, everyone graduates and moves on eventually, right? But here it is, staring me down: my swan song. My final acts at Auburn University. My final sorority formal. My final limeades and ocean waters with Trey. My final months living with Erica (and Justin). My final Idol-viewings with Blake. My final rook games with the boys. My final downtown adventures with Malorie. My final parking lot chats with KB. And so on...

I just hope to find happiness outside of Evan in Tuscaloosa. My fear is that we'll be "that" couple... only hanging out with each other: laying on the couch every night, watching bad TV and eating take-out Chinese. At face value, that sounds adorable and perfect to me. Comfortable and relaxed. But what happens when we need something outside of ourselves? I learned the hard way that you can't base your happiness in one person. And with Evan... it's so easy. He understands my heart in a way that I can't express, and it's so appealing to lock myself in with him.

Okay. Disclaimer: I'm talking to a very old friend via IM about past relationships and broken hearts.

And now, my attention is elsewhere. Goodnight.