I feel like a celebrity making a press release... only I've always wanted to be a celebrity, and I can scarcely imagine anything much worse than writing what I'm about to write.
Most of the few of you that read my blog will know this, but for those of you who are reading from afar, here it is.
I write about my boyfriend, Evan, often. He has been one of my best friends since 10th grade, and even when we have been far away and distracted, we have turned to each other for support from time to time. We started dating a year and a half ago, and it has been wonderful. After much thought and prayer, though, Evan and I have broken up. God is doing so much in my life and in his, and right now it appears that His will for our lives does not necessarily involve each other.
This has been incredibly hard on me, and I don't expect it to get better anytime soon. I have prayed and begged and pleaded, believe me, but I am trusting God. I am finding rest and assurance in a God that bore the weight of the world on His shoulders for my salvation, a Savior that has a perfect plan for my life.
As typical of my generation, I sent a mass text to my nearest and dearest when it first happened; I just couldn't bear the thought of someone mistakenly calling me up to ask what Ev and I had planned for the weekend. Immediately, my friends started pouring out their love for me and offering to come pick me up or talk to me or call me. I am brought to tears just thinking about how my incredible friends lifted me up as my heart broke within me. I do not, though, want to talk about it. Some of you may be tempted to call me: don't. Please know that I love you, but if you call me, please don't ask me what happened or if I've heard from him. My heart is broken, and with every changing season I'll remember what I was doing with Evan this time last year or something like that... what I need right now is love and distraction and laughter, not to repeat the conversations and events that led to this decision.
I am not ashamed to ask anyone who's willing to pray for me-- and Evan-- at this time. I'm getting a lot of "God has a plan" from loved ones, and I know that to be true... but I'm desperate to see that plan right about now, because this feels pretty lousy.
Don't feel sorry for me, though... and don't worry, I'm sure you'll hear the conversations and events somewhere down the grapevine. ;)
Well this makes me sad! Sorry, had to do the whole blog thing to figure out why Evan was here at the house all the time, I could feel that something had changed. Guess this means you probably won't be visiting the house for quite a while? Sorry to hear it! And, if that's all she wrote, since I'm graduating in May, hope you do find that plan.
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