Check, Check, Check

After 150 blog posts (tootin' my horn here, folks), it's hard to recall what subjects have graced this blogspot. Today, though, I've been perusing another of my favorite blogs (Shmitten Kitten, check it out), and I'm feeling inspired to write about men.

We all know that John Krasinski (may his bachelorhood rest in peace) is my ideal man, but let's break it down. Let me give you a run-through of the perfect man. Yes, THE perfect man.

[I know that I pledged to move on, so let me explain. I don't make it a practice to pine after taken men-- in fact, that's a triple no no in Lindsey's Book of Love-- but I've already moved on from one disaster this year, and this one is proving much harder, so I'm just going to indulge a little]

We'll start with John's most obvious trait: his height. Take any average guy, increase his height to above 6', and you have increased his attractiveness infinitely. This height fetish all started when I was a Junior in high school and my hipster boyfriend, Drew, was measuring in somewhere around 6'4. Nothing thrilled my heart more than being picked up into a hug by my very own Jolly Green Giant. Since Drew, no one's quite measured up... and I mean that literally; he gets the height trophy in my ex-boyfriend collection.

Next up: humor. This should really be first because it's possibly the MOST important thing on my checklist of romantic potential. And really, I have a checklist. And a guy could check every box on the page, but if the humor box is gaping open [ ]... sorry, sir. Thanks for playing. This category is tricky, though-- not just any humor will do. Take your bathroom humor elsewhere. I'm looking for puns and classic references... humor that is evidence of your wit and intelligence. One-liners should be like holidays: gloriously cheesy and only a few times a year. Otherwise, feel free to blow me away with your Jack Nicholson impression or your clever pun. John Krasinski is never lazy with his humor, and that's what we're shooting for.

Okay, gentlemen, here's where it gets tough. Our prototype, John, graduated with honors from Brown. So brush off your thinking caps, boys. The ideal man is smart, but not [never] a know-it-all. I don't have a perfect ACT score, and I wasn't Valedictorian, but I like to think I'm a smart gal. And it's tres important that you can match wits with me. Brownie points if you're smarter than me at things I don't want to know about: changing my tires, setting up my router, etc. Bottom line, I need your text messages to be grammatically correct-- because that's how, in my fantasy world, John texts-- everything else is a bonus.

I hate to be shallow, but this after all the IDEAL man, so I'll check my guilt here.

Please take note of John's hair. It is perfectly-coifed. Every time. Awards shows, premieres, out on the town... he probably wakes up with nary a hair out of place. And if he did, it would be perfectly tousled. John is not ashamed to throw in some product, but he does it with grace. No need to be a trigger-happy hair gel Guido. Keep it classy... because that's what John would do. In my ex- collection, I've got to give the hair trophy to Clay, who has a head full of fratastic hair. May it hold on tight, Clay.

And last (mainly because I'm about to leave), show me those pearly whites. My heart melts when John (or Jim, as it is on The Office) gives that sheepish grin to the camera. His eyes sparkle, his perfectly straight teeth gleam. It's like the sun shining through the clouds when his face cracks into a smile. So my last priority for the ideal male specimen: great teeth and a beautiful smile.

Voila. Now, is that so hard?...

And I didn't even get started on being a Christian, liking my friends, charming my parents, taking me on adventures... All things, I'm *sure* John Krasinski would ace... and if he wouldn't, I don't care to know.