if only.

This summer I've been attending a Bible study at my church in Tuscaloosa on Tuesday mornings. 

(you might could guess that I saw 'Beth Moore' in the bulletin and signed up without a second thought)

On Tuesday mornings, I'm the youngest in the class by a decade or more. As my classmates discuss their husbands and children, I sit back and listen and drink in a little wisdom here and there, but I'm hardly silent. As the youngest member of our Tuesday morning tribe, there has been a great deal of interest in me from this little group of mothers in which I have found myself. The maternal instincts ooze as each one asks me what I'm doing, how long I've been here, what I plan to do, and-- without fail-- am I single?

It almost always comes up that I graduated from Auburn... which is no coincidence or anything as I'm willing to tell anyone who will listen. But the next question is obvious: so... how'd you end up here?

I would love to say that grad school brought me here, but that's not really true. In fact, that's far from the truth as my beloved Auburn has a school counseling program and a very good one to boot-- one that caters to my age group rather than the returning teachers to which UA appeals. So that's not a really great explanation. Inevitably, I sigh loudly, roll my eyes, and deliver a line that makes me cringe for being *that* girl: I followed a boy. 

Usually my delivery indicates the result, but occasionally someone will ask if we're still together. No, I say... no, we're not. But here I am!

And the really caring, motherly types-- like the kind ladies in my Bible study-- always press on: oh dear, that must've been so hard. Are you doing okay?

And because I'm an oversharer, I launch into my whole schpill... yes, there was quite a bit of weeping and gnashing of teeth; yes, it was enormously, gut-wrenchingly heartbreaking, but you live and learn; and yes, I've questioned God more times than I can count (or care to admit) why on Earth I am here and how in the world can this possibly be part of His will for my life? If only He had stepped in, intervened somehow... If only I had known how it would turn out... If only I had not been a stupid girl following a stupid boy ("stupid" is really the nicer of the applicable adjectives).

It's at this point in the story that the ladies nod sympathetic heads and offer quiet noises of compassion. I allow this because I genuinely appreciate their concern, but I love when I get to my favorite part of the story. The part where it all starts to make sense. The part where all the pieces fell together. The "Ah-ha!" moment-- even if it took a very, very long time to come around, an amount of time that is even laughable at this point because it's so outrageous... the Lord might just make a patient woman out of me yet.

Assured that I'm happy and whole, my new mommies were ready to jump into our third session of Beth Moore's "Inheritance" study (note: you need this in your life). That Beth, always up to something... wouldn't you know this week she launched into trusting God in the broken times, allowing the Lord to teach us through our trials, and thanking Him for the outcomes. Now, we all know how I adore Beth, but she wouldn't want the credit for this and I'm not going to give it to her. Some things are just beyond even a saint like Beth (Catholics, please consider: Saint Beth. You won't be sorry). Some things are so clearly from God that it gives your goosebumps their own goosebumps. 

It was the kind of sermon/lesson where you find yourself nodding constantly and offering up multiple "Yesses" and "Amens" without really realizing that you're talking out loud... and, in my case, without realizing that I've suddenly morphed into a 40-something who says things like "Yes" and "Amen" during a sermon.

The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;

indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance.

Psalm 16:6

It may not be pleasant when the lines are drawn. Sometimes the lines, it seems, are forcibly cracked into place, painfully etched far outside our comfort zones. The journey may not have been beautiful; in fact, it may have been downright ugly...

But as a Child of God, when the pieces starting falling into place, you'll look around and realize that those lines that once felt more like scars have indeed fallen in pleasant places-- places right in the center of God's will-- and your inheritance-- the Lord Himself and all His abundance!-- is truly, incomprehensibly beautiful. And all those If only's will appear blessedly unfulfilled.

ketchup.

Oh my goodness, where has the summer gone? I feel like just yesterday I was ringing in the New Year in the mountains of North Carolina... and at the same time, that seems like a lifetime ago. Since then, I've found community in a church in Tuscaloosa, made a multitude of new (best) friends, met and hooked a new man, hopped over to South America and Europe, beach bummed twice, attended multiple wedding showers and weddings (a trend that is sure to continue)... and all of that has brought us here, halfway to Christmas. I start my second summer class today, and I have less than a month left in Tuscaloosa.

Wow. Wow. Wow.

It makes me wonder what the next six months might hold, as none of the past six months' events could have possibly been predicted or even hoped for. We'll play this game again come Christmas.

Thoughts & things

This week marks #3 for the Lunch Club. Every Tuesday, I've been getting together with a couple of friends from Guntersville that are in Tuscaloosa for the summer. We started out at Newk's, then went to Buffalo Phil's, and today I insisted on Hooligan's. Honestly, you can't leave Tuscaloosa without a cheeseburger at Hooligan's (although Laura stubbornly ordered the swiss mushroom chicken... but it looked awesome, I'm going to look over it). Next week, for a our final lunchtime venture, we'll be convening at F.I.G., which is technically in Northport, but that is oh-so-convenient as my Tuesday morning Bible study is in Northport as well.

It looks like it's going to storm at any minute. It's been threatening all day but has held out, save for a few misguided droplets on my walk to the gym this morning, until now. I'm sure the clouds are conspiring to save the big show for when I make the mile-long trek from my car to campus this afternoon. That's just how my luck goes. C'est la vie.

Tomorrow night, Alex and I are going to see David Mayfield Parade at WorkPlay. They were the opening band when we saw the Avett Brothers at Samford, and we've been planning to see them since then (that's pretty long-term planning considering that concert was our second date... but, hey, we made it!). I'm pretty pumped about it. One, I love live music. Two, the band was exceptionally fun to watch. Imagine Zach Galifinakis (I'm CERTAIN I just butchered his last name, but you know who I'm talking about) playing folk music. And dancing. And joking. Very entertaining stuff.

This weekend Boyfriend returns home with me to go to THE wedding of the year in Guntersville. I'm just glad I'm not getting married anytime soon after this wedding. I'll report more on that later. Let's just say it's the place to be this weekend.

Class #2 starts next week. A mini-mester of Statistics. Now, I didn't like Stats my first go-around as an undergraduate, so I don't expect to love graduate level Statistics... especially not condensed into a 4-week span of time. My head spins just thinking about it. This is honestly one of the only classes in my graduate career that I've genuinely worried about.

The moving-home process starts this weekend. The bedroom furniture in my room at home currently is the same bedroom furniture that my parents had when the first married, and it must be moved to make room for the bedroom suit that has accompanied me in my two college towns. So this weekend, I'll be packing up boxes and (hopefully) purging some things that have been hoarded over the past few years in an attempt to simplify my life and start getting organized for moving back in with dear old Mom and Dad-- an event that is scheduled for the end of July. Once I'm moved in and reorganized, I can devote my attention to my last two semesters of grad school: internships and substitute teaching (the subbing part isn't actually part of grad school, but it's the perfect career for the graduate student and I hope to be doing a lot of it in the fall).

The wind is beginning to whistle outside, and the downpour will surely follow... which means I need to get cracking on some reading for class before I inevitably fall asleep to the sound of the rain. I'll miss these nap times one day...

It's on like Donkey Kong.

To whom it may concern:

Well, really, this is an open letter to one Alex M. Ruggles.

It appears that war has been declared. Cyber wars. Blog wars... or, as it's been christened, "blog battles." Clever alliteration, dear. I'm sure your posts will be equally witty. That is, if you look over the multitude of your and you're mix-ups. In fact, I might just edit it and send you revisions.

We've been keeping score since Day 1-- and, simply as a reminder, I'm up 8-6-- so competition is nothing new to our relationship. Really, it was just a matter of time til it saturated this facet of my life. And here we are now... with a line drawn in the sand, fingers poised above our respective blogs.

In a few days, when your weeping and gnashing of teeth is at its peak, don't come crawling back and wishing for a truce. You started this. And I am much obliged to finish it.

So go ahead, Stretch: make my day.

All-American Saturday

Everyone in the condo woke up nice and early yesterday morning. We convened on the porch for breakfast and some Bible talk, and before I knew it, everyone was slathering on the sunscreen and packing up their beach bags. We were on the lava-hot sand around 10 am. Not bad for a group of 20-somethings.

The waves were incredible. What's more incredible is that we all fought the waves to the point of exhaustion while they broke with ease at Boyfriend's chest. I took more than one tumble under the water; I could still taste the salt water by dinner. The boys entertained themselves with frisbee and volleyball while we ladies laid in such a way for maximum sun exposure. Eventually, we moved to the water's edge where we made sand castles-- I focused on making a sand knee brace for Alex-- until the sand filled our bathing suits to the point of discomfort. Don't act like it's never happened to you.

After lunch, I took my usual nap while the others went back out, this time poolside. I know my skin well enough to know that I had pushed it to the limit, and I saw no reason to tempt fate and sweat it out for another hour or two while my skin scorched in the afternoon sun. And wouldn't you know, I'm one of the few that didn't get burnt.

We headed to my favorite restaurant for dinner-- Shipp's Harbour Grille. Take my advice: try it. It's incredible. Really. I take my food very seriously; I would not lead you astray. The special was coconut-crusted grouper served with a coconut sauce and crabmeat, smoked gouda mashed potatoes, and sauteed green beans. Obviously, that's what I got. The rest of the crew went for sushi, mahi mahi, seared tuna, and so on. There wasn't a disappointed palette in the house.

After dinner, we headed straight to Adventure Island for a round of laser tag. Things were pretty competitive: Erin changed completely into gym shorts and tennis shoes for maximum mobility, Sam staked out a crow's nest to snipe from, and Alex resorted to simply holding me by the target vest and shooting me. I guess when you're the biggest target, you have to stoop the lowest.

And after dinner-- drum roll, please-- we were off to the tattoo parlor. I didn't get inked-- Boyfriend and parents made their feelings pretty clear-- but two of our group did. Sam, a Taiwanese import since like Day 2, got 'Made In Taiwan' tattooed on his rib cage, while Erin got 'joy' tattooed on her ankle. Both were pretty pumped; I was just glad to not be the one under the needle. Meanwhile, Alex literally had to go sit on the stoop to get away from the tattoo artists' samples on the walls-- mostly "sexy" demon girls and angry skulls.

In between signing up for the tattoos and actually getting them, we filled our time with ice cream at Scoops. Katherine spotted a frog on the window on the patio, insisted on capturing it, and immediately flicked first onto Erin then onto me. Luckily, our ice cream was spared, but we gave our neighbors a decidedly non-dairy treat with our screams.

So our night was pretty much picture perfect. And really, that's just kind of how life is lately.

To my dad, with love.

On the beach today, Katherine told us about a guy she had a crush on in college. I was the only one who didn't know him, but the others seemed to think this was a strange match for her and wondered why she had liked him.

He reminded me of my dad, she told us.

That's kind of weird, my insightful boyfriend countered.

Guys don't get that, I guess. A guy hears that and his thoughts jump to some Freudian craziness. A girl hears an explanation like that, and she thinks, "Exactly."

See, the thing is, there just won't ever be a man in your life that you'll love like your daddy. Especially if your dad is incredible, like mine.

Happy Father's Day to my dad, who taught me how to swing a golf club when the club was taller than me, who read Greek mythology to me and fed me a healthy diet of Cary Grant and Rock Hudson movies, whose fear of heights didn't stop him from accompanying me to the top of the Empire State Building, and, most importantly, who taught me what a man after God's own heart truly looks like.

xx- Lindsey

Good things.

- Road trip chats about boyfriends, break-ups, and big plans... occasionally in a different accent, just to spice up the convo.

- Kat's "Beach Bound" CD she burned us for the trip. Uh-mazing.

- A late night hot tub party followed by a pajama party and the hilarious movie, Just Friends. And obviously there was a lot of playing with each others' hair and snacking on chocolate oatmeal cookies.

- Four girlfriends on the deck with their Bibles at breakfast.

- Being overcome with giddiness when the waves are the perfect temperature and your friends are the perfect companions.

- Chilled grapes and chick-lit with my toes in the sand.

- Flipping in the pool until my ears were so full of water that I couldn't hear. For an hour.

- That satisfying fatigue that hits you after a day in the sun... and the afternoon nap that inevitably follows.

- Waking up from my afternoon lap with Kat in my face, grinning like a maniac.

- Long kitchen talks with Shannon over fresh peaches and good music.

- A Say Yes to the Dress marathon with the girls while the shrimp steams and the veggies roast.

- A magnificent beach sunset that reminds me that all these blessings are gifts from the Father, lavished on His daughters.

It's a good, good life.