I labeled this blog as such because it is just that: what you're about to read may be just the thing to discourage you from ever reproducing should your offspring encounter or, God fordbid, become one of these creatures one day. These are just a few quotes from Wonderland (which is what I will now and forever refer to the public school system as).
On dating:
Student A: "Yeah, Tyler's sweet and all, but Anthony's..."
Student B: "Giving it to you?"
Student A just grins and rolls her eyes.
Ah, yes, young love blossoming before my eyes.
On body art:
"I'm definitely getting a tramp stamp."
Young lady, those of us who refer to as a 'tramp stamp' do so in disdain. If you are culturally aware enough to know that it is in fact called such, take note and DON'T DO IT. Think about it: Tramp. Stamp.
On extracurricular activity:
"Dude, he got caught selling weed at church. At church!"
Nope, you read that wrong, because for a second you thought this was said in disgust or disappointment. But no; it was in fact in awe.
On lifestyle preference:
"Do you prefer gay, queer, or bi? What if I called you a fag?"
When I was in 9th grade-- that's right, this is a 14 year old we speak of-- I did not know a single person of the "alternative lifestyle." Sure, there was speculation, but if anyone had hopped out of their closet, I was oblivious to it. Worry not, progress marches on at GHS.
On discipline:
"You was scared for a minute, weren't you? Thought I was gonna put these hands on you, didn't ya? They call me the body snatcher 'cause I'll snatch you up by the neck."
The eagerness to discipline each other oftentimes makes my job much easier. Reprimand my misbehaving class? Nah, why bother when their neighbor is about to snatch them up by the neck?
On race and ethnicity:
[upon discovering that a text book has been chewed on]
"Did you get hungry, Hope?"
"What? Is that because I'm black?"
Thank you for your racial commentary, ninth graders. I'm sure that's exactly what he was insinuating; you are extremely insightful.
On scheduling:
"Is this our assignment? I don't have time for all that."
Oh, do you not? I'm sorry, did you have something else going on 7th period? Mani/pedi, perhaps? Please, by all means, don't let your assignments get in your way. I'm sure texting under your desk is taxing enough, so just take the afternoon off.
On ambition:
"I'm gonna be a PE teacher so I can play warball everyday."
Dream big! Shoot for the stars!
And to top off my adventure, I was only asked once why on Earth Evan and I weren't engaged yet. Isn't news supposed to travel fast in a small town?
Never a dull day. Never Never. Ooooh... Never Never Land or Wonderland?
I will add this conversation to the list.
ReplyDelete"Dude, have you seen that porno...yeah you know the one I'm talkin about?"
Student B "Yeah man I've seen it.. ahmazin. When my parents are out of town I watch it on the big screen in our living room with the lights out."