You're little hands wrapped around my finger
And, it's so quiet in the world tonight
You're little eyelids flutter cause you're dreaming
So, I tuck you in
Turn on your favorite night light
To you, everything's funny
You got nothing to regret
I'd give all I had, honey
If you could stay like that

I won't let nobody hurt you, won't let no one break your heart
And no one will desert you
Just try to never grow up, and never grow up

You're in the car on the way to the movies
And, you're mortified
You're mom's dropping you off
At, fourteen there's just so much you can't do
And you can't wait to move out someday and call your own shots
But, don't make her drop you off around the block
Remember that she's getting older too
And don't lose the way that you dance around in your PJ's getting ready for school

And no one's ever burned you
Nothing's ever left you scarred
And even though you want to
Just try to never grow up

Take pictures in your mind of your childhood room
Memorize what it sounded like when your dad get's home
Remember the footsteps, remember the words said
And all your little brothers favorite songs
I just realized everything I had is someday gonna be gone

So, here I am in my new apartment
In a big city, they just dropped me off
It's so much colder than I thought it would be
So, I tucked myself in and turned my night light on
Wish I'd never grown up
I wish I'd never grown up

Oh, I don't wanna grow up
Wish I'd never grown up
Could still be little
Oh, I don't wanna grow up
Wish I'd never grown up
It could still be simple


Last night, I put a request on Facebook for a copy of Taylor Swift's new album, 'Speak Now.' Within minutes, I had a text from Jane saying the pirated CD was ready for me. Brilliant, instant gratification.

I wish I could say that I didn't sob while I listened to the above song (edited for length). But I can't. I don't consider myself a crier, not in a mainstream way anyway. I can count the number of movies that have made me cry on one hand, and I'm always the only dry eye in the funeral home. But last night, as I drove through the dark fog on 79, this song struck a weird, unexpected emotional tone deep within me (side note: fog + crying... not the ideal driving situation). The last verse especially-- So, here I am in my new apartment-- that's when tremors and misty eyes turned into full on whimpering and sobs.

I look at myself and my friends-- striking out on our own, paying bills, getting married, having babies-- and I'm terrified. It seems like just last week we were being dropped off at the Albertville theater by one parent or another. Just yesterday the only person I wanted to think I was cool was my big brother, Break-ups were a weekly thing and not a life crisis, and hearts were healed quickly by a new flavor of the week. Once upon a time, my biggest worry was whether or not I made cheerleader or got into NHS.

These days, my students call me Miss Hays as I pass them at ball games and in Wal-Mart, a wait-listed class determines my graduation, and relationships seem to be forever or bust. In some ways I wish I would give anything to rewind-- play Sega Genesis with my brother, climb the tree in my grandparent's front yard, plan my life with Jonathan Taylor Thomas or Devin Sawa (takes you back, doesn't it?)...

And in many ways, I wish I could fast forward, even for just a glimpse. I love to know the ending... I read the last page of Harry Potter first, and I almost always find the plot of a movie on IMDb before I watch. It makes it easier: I know not to get attached to the character that dies, I know if there's a happy ending or a weird 'Break Up'-type ending that leaves you hanging. I can't help but think life would be less stressful if I knew not to get attached to a guest star but only invest in recurring characters, if I knew what the next chapter held...

Life would be so simple.