Father Knows Best

It's funny how my life seems to go in themes. This week, as you might have guessed from my last post, has been a struggle. Since Wednesday, I've smiled little and laughed even less, but I have spent more time in earnest prayer than I have in a long, long time. Far too long of a time. An embarrassing amount of time. Because life's like that: in the good times, all that earnest prayer seems unnecessary... and in the bad, you find yourself pleading with the Almighty to remember you, bribing Him with inconceivable promises like, "I'll never sin again if You'll just grant me this ONE request (and maybe forget about those other 8,724,499 times we've had this conversation)."

Yesterday, I reached a breaking point of sorts. After a couple days of begging, I finally laid it out for the Lord. I rarely pray aloud, but I found myself sitting in the center of my bed and trying to stare past my ceiling. It's an oddly powerful experience to talk out loud to God, and maybe something I should do more often. With eyes closed and head bowed, I often start praying about something and find myself five minutes later just thinking up all the solutions I can to solve the problem myself. But alone with God and out loud created a uniquely intimate conversation with my Creator.

So there I am in my last ditch effort to petition my will against the Lord's, when it hit me like a ton of bricks:

I surrender.

It's so simple. At the end of the day, the Lord-- praise Him for it-- is sovereign. In fact, the Book of Daniel tells us that even when God is on the move, He's still seated firmly on His throne: "... and the Ancient of Days took his seat, his clothing was white as snow, and the hair of his head like pure wool, his throne was fiery flames, its wheels were burning fire." Daniel 7:9 ESV

And because the Lord is sovereign always-- in the good times and the bad, in my measly little life and that of humanity at large-- I must only surrender. "The Lord will fight for you, and you have only to be silent." Exodus 14:14 ESV

I made my case. I begged, and I pleaded... for my own way, for my own understanding... and just for peace and understanding. And that's okay because I'm allowed, commanded even, to put my requests before the Lord. "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7 ESV. But last night I realized that now is the time for silence and surrender. I feel like Jacob after wrestling with God, and let me tell you-- wrestling with That Guy is exhausting. And today I just find myself in need of rest in my Savior.

This morning I woke up, and even though I wasn't all jazzed up about plastering a smile on my face and going through the meet-and-greet at church, I went because I needed time with the Lord and fellowship with other believers... And wouldn't you know the sermon was about me?

Of course I don't mean that literally, but do you ever feel a sort of Twilight Zone moment where you can't help but think, "Okay, God, you're coming in loud and clear" because the message or the worship or both are so perfectly tailored to your needs? You think maybe it's just a coincidence? I'm thinking... No. So, with heavy heart, I sat down next to my friends, crossed my arms, and went through the motions. Or that was my plan at least.

The theme of this morning's worship became clear to me in an instant:

FAITH.

One or two songs into the service, I'm still holding onto my hurt when the praise team starts playing "I Surrender All." You've got to be kidding me, right? Wrong.

All to Jesus, I surrender;

All to Him I freely give;

I will ever love and trust Him,

In His presence daily live.

I surrender all, I surrender all.

All to Thee, my blessed Savior, I surrender all.

You know the rest, I bet. So again, queue up the Twilight Zone music.

The sermon was on believing. Specifically, how your belief in Christ changes your life, brings you from darkness into light. My girl Beth Moore puts it perfectly when she asks, "Are you a believer, or are you currently believing in Christ?" Because there's a difference, friend. This week I have felt like the apostles crying out, "Increase our faith!" (Luke 17:5) and the father in Mark 9, "I believe; help my unbelief!" (v. 24).

This week I have been covered in prayer. At times I have felt so divinely peaceful that I knew for a fact that I was being held up by the power of my brothers and sisters in Christ praying for me. For that I am so very thankful. I'm thankful too for this opportunity from my Lord to walk out on faith, to learn once again that He is all that is faithful and consistent in this world.

I would like to tell you that I've let go, that I'll be fine with whatever happens. But that wouldn't be true. Ultimately, I know that I will be MORE than fine with whatever situation the Lord provides because, as I mentioned, He is sovereign. I am, however, still praying for my happy ending... I'm just trying to be a little less bossy about it and a jolly bit more open-minded. After all, Father Knows Best.

"For I know the plan I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for wholeness and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon me and come to pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me. When you seek me with your whole heart, I will be found by you, declares the LORD..."

Jeremiah 29:11-13

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding,

In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths."

Proverbs 3:5

"Yet this is no cause for shame, for I know whom I have believed, and am convinced that he is able to guard what I have entrusted to him until that day."

2 Timothy 1:12